I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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