It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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