Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
