And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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