If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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