yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
