Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
