His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
