I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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