Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
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We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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