and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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