How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
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The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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