I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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