Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
