I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
