"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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