two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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