I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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