Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize