I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
