I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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