I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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