I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
