we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
