After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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