wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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