i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
