i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
