I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
