Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
