Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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