Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
