Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
