the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We left an ass print on the piano.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wear drunk well.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
