My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
