I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
