I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
