How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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