is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
