this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
