Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
