Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
