My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
