So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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