Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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