I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i now understand why vodka
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
