yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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