I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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