he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
