Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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