My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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