I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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