Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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