I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
