That's intense
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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