and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
