you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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