I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
