I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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