Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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