U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
