i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Found the puke drawer
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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