the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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