I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
