You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
